Tension & Tending:
Observations on tending to relationships in the midst of tension (plus readings for weeks 31 & 32).
Having crossed a birthday since my last post, my mind has gone to resolutions. Many people make new year’s resolutions on January 1st. My reset date tends to be my birthday. This year, I recognized many relationships (family, friends, church) which were in tension and needed tending.
It is really hard to tend to tense things, whether within ourselves or between ourselves and other people, when we feel like we are drinking from a firehose or perpetually in fire-fighter mode. The (what for me is mid- to high-level) normal anxiety of entering into conflict has no room in my psyche to respond thoughtfully when firefighter mode is in play.
The knives are out, the flames are high and someone is liable to get (even more) hurt.
My work appointment also was reduced this year in May. This was a carefully considered request on my part, as I recognized I could not manage the workload I was carrying and also be well. I found myself living in tension mode with little to no room for tending mode. Now, a little bit over 10 weeks into the new reduced workload, a spaciousness is emerging.
Finally, after eight years of feeling overwhelmed and anxious most of the time, I am feeling like there is room for tending - proper, deep tending to myself and to the relationships in my life (and also tending my garden).
Relationship tending, like garden tending often involves getting down on the hands and knees and getting a bit (or a lot) mucky. But what comes from this investment in kneeling and mucking about is magnificent: peace, hope and a sense of wholeness and spaciousness which I name “love”. Because tension backs me into a corner, makes me feel confined and imprisoned.
Frankly, it is a relief to experience this spaciousness again, after many false starts.
Being more rested and therefore more calm on the inside is allowing me to re-engage where hurt, anger and pain had built deep ruts of behavioural patterns. But it isn’t just the being rested and therefore more calm. It is the calm that comes from Spirit’s intercession on my behalf, with sighs too deep for words. It is the calm that comes when God, first, is allowed (by me) to tend to me. God is always willing and present to tend to me - but oh, how often have I not been present, not been still enough, not been open to God’s attendance to me?
But as soon as I return to a space of openness to God, the darkness is baffled by the light that breaks through. It is truly stunning. For indeed, the darkness cannot, will not and has not overcome the light.
The Read the Bible in One Year project has greatly helped me to keep returning to that space of openness to God. If you haven’t been following along, and would like to sample, this week is a great week to begin as we begin 1 Corinthians - you could just do the New Testament readings if you want to experiment with the project, and then add in an Old Testament book when we get to Wednesday (we begin the book of Ezra). On August 11th we begin the book of Nehemiah.
Housekeeping: leading up to year 53, I decided to post the Bible Readings two weeks at a time, and in the in-between weeks, try to write something along a different line: fiction or (sometimes theological or biblical) reflection. Writing is my medicine, so this is a way for me to share some of my medicine with you. Please only take what is helpful or useful and feel free to delete the rest :) Just as you would not take tylenol or any other medicine if you don’t really want or need it.
A Prayer for Tension & Tending:
God of the storms, the fires and the urgencies in our lives, you have authority over all tensions we encounter. Help us to come to seasons of tending, seasons when the tide goes out, the storm waters still, your light breaks through and encounters of love have room to patiently be tended and attended. Give us the wisdom of Spirit intercession, with sighs too deep for words. So that our words in our relationships may be for building up and truth-telling, not in defence and out of our hurt. Give us the courage of Spirit intercession, to speak through our relationships for the better and greater good and health, and to hear within our relationships the truths we need to hear. Make within our hearts the space for love, through your Word, made flesh in Jesus. Amen.
Week 31 Readings:
Thursday July 30th : 2 Chronicles 26:1 to 2 Chronicles 28:27, Romans 13:1-14, Psalm 23:1-6 and Proverbs 20:11.
Friday July 31st: 2 Chronicles 29:1-36, Romans 14:1-23, Psalm 24:1-10 and Proverbs 20:12.
Saturday August 1st: 2 Chronicles 30:1 to 2 Chronicles 31:21, Romans 15:1-21, Psalm 21:1-15 and Proverbs 20:13-15.
Sunday August 2nd: 2 Chronicles 32:1 to 2 Chronicles 33:13, Romans 15:22 to Romans 16:9, Psalm 25:16-22 and Proverbs 20:16-18.
Monday August 3rd: 2 Chronicles 33:14 to 2 Chronicles 34:33, Romans 16:10-27, Psalm 26:1-12 and Proverbs 20:19.
Tuesday August 4th (we begin 1 Corinthians): 2 Chronicles 35:1 to 2 Chronicles 36:23, 1 Corinthians 1:1-17, Psalm 27:1-6 and Proverbs 20:20-21.
Wednesday August 5th (we begin the book of Ezra): Ezra 1:1 to Ezra 2:70, 1 Corinthians 1:18 to 1 Corinthians 2:5, Psalm 27:7-14 and Proverbs 20:22-23.
Week 32 Readings:
Thursday August 6th : Ezra 3:1 to Ezra 4:23, 1 Corinthians 2:6 to 1 Corinthians 3:4, Psalm 28:1-9 and Proverbs 20:24-25.
Friday August 7th: Ezra 4:24 to Ezra 6:22, 1 Corinthians 3:5 -23, Psalm 29:1-11 and Proverbs 20:26-27.
Saturday August 8th: Ezra 7:1 to Ezra 8:20, 1 Corinthians 4:1 - 21, Psalm 30:1-12 and Proverbs 20:28-30.
Sunday August 9th: Ezra 8:21 to Ezra 9:15, 1 Corinthians 5:1-13, Psalm 31:1-5 and Proverbs 21:1-2.
Monday August 10th: Ezra 10:1-44 , 1 Corinthians 6:1-20, Psalm 31:6-18 and Proverbs 21:3.
Tuesday August 11th (we begin the book of Nehemiah): Nehemiah 1:1 to Nehemiah 3:14, 1 Corinthians 7:1-24, Psalm 31:19-24 and Proverbs 21:4.
Wednesday August 12th: Nehemiah 3:15 to Nehemiah 5:13, 1 Corinthians 7:25-40, Psalm 32:1-11 and Proverbs 21:5-7.
Fire and Tension Photo by Hasan Almasi on Unsplash
Tending Photo by Sandie Clarke on Unsplash
light through the darkness Photo by Intricate Explorer on Unsplash
rocks and weeds Photo by Waldemar Brandt on Unsplash
Beautiful ❤️